I haven't been restricting like usual because i'm going out with this guy and he knows about my ed....i just wanted to try to fix myself for him, but i am starting to hate myself more than ever because i can't stand how i look and how much i weigh....because of this my depression is worse than ever and the only thing that seems to make me happy is soccer, and Ryan, when i'm with him....i just wish i could give up so bad, but i can't.....i'm so lost right now and i'm sick of crying

so my best friend is pissed at me over something totally dumb.  the sad thing is i don't even know if i should be her friend anymore. i feel like no one really cares about me at my school, all my friends talk about me behind my back and i'm really sick of everthing. i just dont care anymore.  another thing that bothers me is that my friend knows that i go through really bad depression sometimes, and she has been treating me like shit for the past week or so and just told me today that she was mad at me.  i had been thinking that i did something and didn't realize it and that she hated me now. she only thinks about herself, she is always acting sad to get attention and i'm tired of it.  its hard enough when she is ten times thinner and pretier than me, all the guys i know think she is absolutely the most beautiful girl they have ever seen, and i just don't see it anymore.  i have stopped believing in other people and myself.

Today i had powder puff, and all i can say is seniors are gonna kick ass this year!!  I also had another good day for eating.  I had about 800-1000 calories minus however much i burned off in pe and powder puff practice.  i really hope that i can loose ten pounds by next saturday, thats when my homecoming is.  I am also going to try to talk to a friend tomorrow to see if she can get me some aderal or something like that....  :) yeah to good days

My homecoming is in two weeks and i really want to loose about 5-10 pounds. I am so bad about watching what i eat, i give in to hunger way to easily!!!!  I just need to be stronger and remember that the out come is way better than what i'm shoving into my mouth at the time..... i hope i can loose the weight....

I am still trying to loose weight and doing worse than ever.  My parents make me eat, but i don't want to.  I'm sick of looking at myself in the mirror and hating what i see.  All my friends say that i have the perfect body and that they are jealous, but i know they are lying.  I'm just so sick of everything right now, i have to start loosing weight....

 

Courage is only fear that said its prayers

 Good, better, best. Never let it rest until your good is better and your better is best.